Throwback Thursday: P is for Pregnancy

throwback-thursday

I love recycling old posts! It gives me a chance to re-read what I wrote and see if my feelings or emotions have changed about the subject. My husband and I are still trying to get pregnant and I’m very optimistic about it happening. If I believe it, think it, and know it to be true, then it has to happen, right? I have had my months where I’ve broke down in tears and wondering if this will ever happen. I’ve changed my diet and my lifestyle around to make my body as healthy as it can be. It just takes time and patience. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. 

 

 

 

P

Pregnancy, something most girls and women try not to have before a certain age or marriage. Pregnancy is what I have avoided my entire life before marriage, and after we got married we had a .01% chance of getting pregnant. The irony, right?

The reason for the .01% chance is that my husband had a vasectomy after Little Miss was born. That was almost seven years ago. About three months ago he had a vasectomy reversal. This was something we have wanted to do for years and now it’s just a waiting game with when or if I will get pregnant. I mean, we went from a .01% chance to a 75% chance. That’s a HUGE difference, but we just have to wait and see.

I want to be a biological mother more than anything. I want to watch and feel a baby grow inside of me. I want to wear cute maternity clothes and take “bump” pictures galore. I want a gender reveal party and have adorable themed baby showers. I want to play those ridiculous baby games, and I totally don’t even care that I can’t have a sip of alcohol for nine months.

I want to hear a child call me “mommy” and I want to introduce myself as their mother and not their step mom. I’m not ashamed of being a step mom, but it’s not the same. The responses you get from parents aren’t the same. Everything is really different when you have a biological child verse having just step children.

I want to hear little footsteps running around the house again. I want to watch the munchkins hold their new baby brother or sister. I want to watch my husband hold our baby. I want a rocking chair so I can sing lullabies to him or her when they are fussy. I want to hear their first words and watch them try new foods for the first time. I want to be able to make parenting decisions with JUST my husband. I want to be able to parent and not worry about upsetting another household.  Most of all, I want to watch our amazing family grow.

I know there is no guarantee we will get pregnant, but we have a chance. Now we have a chance like every other married couple does. Our chances are 75%, and we will take that 75% over that crappy .01% any day of the week.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Throwback Thursday: P is for Pregnancy

  1. Oh jess! This made me cry actually. I know how you feel. I don’t have a biological son and I long for a son of my own. But we can’t have any more kids sadly enough. But I will pray for you that when the time is right you will feel life growing inside of you and you will be able to hold your beautiful little baby. Xoxox sending you so much love!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s