Ignorance is bliss, or is it?

ignorance

 

 

When I became a stepmom I knew there would be a lot of hurdles to over come and obstacles I would need to navigate around. What I didn’t think would happen was the ignorant comments that come out of strangers and even friend’s mouths.

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ig·no·rant – adjective – 

>> lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated.

“he was told constantly that he was ignorant and stupid”

>>  lacking knowledge, information, or awareness about something in particular.

“they were ignorant of astronomy”

>>  discourteous or rude.

“this ignorant, pin-brained receptionist”

That is the dictionary definition of the word ignorant.

Let me give you a play by play of how a conversation might go with a fellow mom (FM) on the playground.

FM: Aren’t they cute, are those two yours?

Me: Yup, every inch of them.

FM: Wow, you look great for having two kids.

Me: Oh, I didn’t give birth to them.

FM: So they aren’t yours?

Me: *small laugh* Yes they are indeed mine, I am their stepmom.

FM:  Oh, you’re a stepmom, that’s really nice.

And that is usually the end of the conversation. The mom usually gives me a polite tight smile and will go over to a different mom and talk with her. I’m totally not kidding and I’m not looking for a pity party, I’m use to these situations. To them, I’m sure they think I’m just like a babysitter. But excuse me lady, I can talk mom talk too. I’ve dealt with sick nights with them as toddlers, temper tantrums, diaper changes, potty training, first days of school and so many other things. Just because I’m a stepmom doesn’t mean I am not qualified to talk to about these things.

Little do they know I am just as much of a mom to them as their biological mom is, especially on the days they are with me and their Dad. (and I know if anyone wanted to argue about that, I know Stephanie would have a few words for you.) When the school year starts, we take the kids shopping for school supplies and clothes like every other parent. When one of them falls and scrapes their knee, who do you think they cry for? Every Sunday, Monday and Tuesday night who do you think packs their lunch for the next day? One of them has a spelling test, who do you think helps them study? It’s insulting and ignorant to assume I am nothing but a person who married their Dad. I am so much more, stepmoms are so much more.

biology

There was a time I was hanging out with some people from work on a Saturday night. “Where are the kids at?” one of them asked me, “They are at their mom’s house until tomorrow.” — “Ohhhhhhhhh, so you aren’t a REAL mom then.” Um. Excuse me? Who the hell says something like that to someone? I take into consideration that this person is not a parent before I answered, because as I have found out, people just aren’t educated about step families and blended families. But that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt.

As the school year inches closer, the anxiety of dealing with these kind of people begins to rear its ugly head. I don’t get that worked up about it anymore, but it’s still there in the back of my head. After six years I figured out that crying about it is just not going to solve anything and snapping back at people who deliver a sting of a  comment doesn’t help them understand that what they said offended me. What I did realize was that I needed to be secure with myself and my place in my family. I know I am a real mom. I know my munchkins love me unconditionally and I know that my husband supports me and has my back 100% of the time. I don’t need the acceptance of others to know I am a real mom to my family. I need the acceptance from myself and the confidence to go with it.

brenebrown

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#Momsterslink

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21 thoughts on “Ignorance is bliss, or is it?

  1. Jess, first of all I want to give you a hug. You are not alone. I have 3 children I gave birth to and 2 bonus children. When people ask us when we are out “Oh my God those are all yours” and I reply “yes” and they always follow up with “wow they all look so different” or something stupid like “you look great for 5 kids” and I used to feel myself explaining the situation, but now I don’t even bother. I’m secure with being a step-mom, I love being able to share these beautiful babies. And just because they did not come from my body does not mean they don’t own my heart. I no longer explain myself, I just politely say thank you. I used to think this was disrespectful to their mom by not explaining I’m their step-mom, but truth be told it’s nobody’s business. And I never disrespect their bio moms, even tho their bio moms hate me. I’ll never do that. Next time just politely say thank you, because you are their mom. Not by birth no, but that literally means nothing! xoxox I’m sending you so much love!!! xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s ALWAYS “oh my God you look great for having 2 kids.”– I honestly don’t think that would even come into my head if I saw someone who looked like me with 2 kids, how insulting that the first thing another mother does is judge my body after thinking I had two kids or “Wow were you 12 when you had them?” which makes me really upset because everyone thinks I’m WAY younger then I am. I’m 28 and they honestly think I look 18 because I’m small. Then people will say “they must look like their dad.” — it’s just mind blowing. They don’t ask their age or what sports or activities they are in, nothing. Everything seems to be based on what we LOOK like as a family. I know what you mean about correcting people and then it feels like you are explaining yourself. I have always been careful of what I say in front of other parents, especially at the school because I didn’t want the kids feel pressured and I didn’t want Stephanie to get upset, but now…that has all changed. The kids introduce me as their mom and if anyone challenges them they will correct them or they just ignore it like I do. I feel as long as I don’t act phased by it, the kids won’t even notice a thing.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It honestly is unreal the things people will say. I could never have the audacity to say the things these people do. Nor do I care what another mother looks like LOL. Most people suck, but if you can find that few that don’t do everything you can to keep them. I’m so glad for you that all of your family is so understanding. Not everyone has that, and I know you know how lucky you are to have that. That’s what makes you so special. You know your place and you own that. You are a mom! And from the looks of it, a great one! And when you give birth, if you decided to someday, you will be well prepared! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh we are working at it! I hope I get to experience all the joys of pregnancy ❤ (and even the not so joyous parts). I feel ready now for that step. My family could see the love I had for the kids and they couldn’t help but embrace it like I did. You’re truly the best, Jenn. I’m lucky to have a kick ass friend like you on my side ❤😘

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Honestly, people are so annoying. And so forward! I would never say something like that to someone. And I’m a person who doesn’t really have a filter. No, you didn’t give birth to them, but that doesn’t make you less of a parent. People are stupid and make you’re eye twitch. Don’t let them get you down!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I too am a stepmom to two boys my husband had when we got together. One is now grown and just joined the army and the other just started his junior year. There mom was never in their lives…in and out of prison…on and off drugs and what pisses me off is that now, that they are grown and almost grown she wants to be “mom”. You’re so right when it doesn’t take biological genes to make you a mother. It takes love, understanding, and CONSISTENCY! Luckily you and the biological mother get along. I also truly believe that the more people who love and are there emotionally for the children … The better. Thanks for linking with #momsterslink … Hope to see you linked up again this week!

    Like

  4. Reblogged this on thestepmommablog and commented:
    There was a time I was hanging out with some people from work on a Saturday night. “Where are the kids at?” one of them asked me, “They are at their mom’s house until tomorrow.” — “Ohhhhhhhhh, so you aren’t a REAL mom then.” Um. Excuse me? Who the hell says something like that to someone? I take into consideration that this person is not a parent before I answered, because as I have found out, people just aren’t educated about step families and blended families. But that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt.

    #blendedfamilyseries

    Liked by 1 person

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