This is a topic I have been waiting for the right time to discuss. This is as raw as I will probably get on my blog, but this is MY story.
The other woman, the mistress, the homewrecker, a whore, slut, bitch, liar, piece of ass, skank and adultress. I think I about covered it. Those are all names for women who sleep with married men — and those are all names I have been called once before 6 years ago.
I’ve never gone into detail of how my husband and I met and one reason being, it’s not a fairy tale love story. It’s a story of pain, hurt, heartache and infidelity. My husband was married to Stephanie when I met him. We worked together and spent a lot of time talking when we weren’t really busy. We were usually the last two leaving every night, and sometimes we would just sit there and talk for hours. Sometimes he would just talk, he would talk and vent about things that were upsetting him at home. It wasn’t flirting at first, it wasn’t trying to get in each other’s pants, it was just talking, and the talking formed this emotional bond between us that ran deep but how we went about it all was wrong.
I don’t know why I made the choice I made to break that sacred bond of sisterhood. I honestly cannot remember what made me disregard everything I was taught growing up – morals, vows, sacred promises – for God sake common fucking sense. But once we both crossed that line — emotionally there was no going back and neither one of us wanted too. Matt and I lied to a lot of people to protect ourselves. We made selfish choices that hurt friends and family. That is something we cannot go back and change, that is something we live with every day and accept it. We own what we did. I have been asked numerous times about it from people who know Stephanie, Matt or knew both of them. I have owned up to what went on and gave them the honest truth.
I was living a lie for what felt like decades – the weight of our affair was getting heavier by the day. Then Stephanie found everything out and now it was all out in the open. I had complete tunnel vision and I don’t think in those moments I fully understood the pain I was putting Stephanie through. The hurt and heartache I have caused someone who did nothing to me. Nothing. She never said anything mean to me, hurt me, yelled at me, nothing, and here I am ripping her fucking world apart and nothing was signaling my brain to show any remorse besides saying, “I’m sorry”. Which I’m sure now looking back at it, it was probably for the best I didn’t try to say anything more because it might of made the whole thing worse.
The idea Hollywood puts in our head about “the other woman” is far from the truth. It can truly be ANY type of woman, not just the sexy receptionist. There is no specific qualifications or indicators to look out for. People who knew me before the affair couldn’t believe that I was actually capable of doing something so – malicious. It isn’t who I am and it’s something I won’t let define me. I’m not an evil human being and for the past 6 years I’ve done my best to prove that to everyone who thought otherwise.
After everything, Matt and I still stayed together, and we started completely over. I will never forget the time I met with Stephanie after everything was out in the open. We met at a local Starbucks and I was prepared to let her ask me any questions she wanted. At the end she told me, “I hope you guys get married and stay together forever, then at least this wouldn’t of been for nothing.” I made a promise to myself right then and there that I would do everything in my power to do just that. I could at least do this one thing for her and show her that this relationship between Matt and I is much more then she might think. This wasn’t lust, this wasn’t just a “I’m bored” thing, this was something real. I know the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater.”, but I don’t believe that to be true. There are some stories out there that might fit into that saying, but not ours. Ours is different.
I’ve grown up in the past 6 years. I’m wiser and have dealt with my demons that have haunted me over the years. Stephanie and I didn’t always get along and I let her walk all over me years ago because, well, I deserved it. So I just took it. We’ve moved mountains since then and for that I will always be grateful to her. I’m not gonna lie, she was very good at making our life hell, but she could of been so much worse. She could of made me or Matt out to be villains to the kids, but has never done it, not even once. She has never tainted the image the kids have of either one of us.
Our story wasn’t your average fairy tale, but after a few chapters (or 10) you will see how each one of us benefited from this awful nightmare and how we each grew as individuals. And we did it all for the kids. We love those two munchkins and because of them we have worked through our pain and issues. We have asked for forgiveness and began our process of moving on. I will never try to justify, belittle, or ignore the decisions I made in my past, but I will not let it define who I am today, 6 years later. I’m a proud wife, step mom, and friend and I make mistakes and bad choices just like everyone else in the world, but I won’t let it define who I am. This is my story, and it isn’t the prettiest of stories, but it’s real, raw, and mine.