Mother’s Day is this Sunday. I thought I would have a ton of things to write about this week. I had an idea about what direction I wanted to take this week. Low and behold it is Thursday and I haven’t blogged about Mother’s Day once. I have an amazing guest post set up for Sunday, but besides that, I’ve got nothing. Then I thought to myself (duh, Jessica), I could write about my own mother. I don’t think I have talked about her much, beside the post I made about being a child of divorce.
My mom lives in Indiana which is about five hours away from me. Her and my step dad moved there when my youngest brother was going into his senior year of high school, so about seven years ago. I was devastated when she told me she was moving away. She didn’t move away for a job, or to be closer to family, or even for ill parents. She moved back to the town I grew up in. The town where I have memories from ages 7 to 12. Back when my parents were still married, my mom was a stay at home mom and our personal taxi driver to all of our various sport functions. I’ve always thought it was weird that she moved back there, because to be honest, I feel like she moved out of Michigan to be as far away from my dad as possible.
I’m treading on thin ice here, I have a 50/50 chance my mom will read this post, and if you are reading mom, please don’t be offended. I love you, I have always loved you, and you are my mother, ALWAYS.
My parents divorce was nasty, it was just horrible. I watched my strong mother fall apart to pieces. She recovered though and she survived. I have never been more proud of her. This woman is smart as hell. She graduated from Brigham Young University with honors in Microbiology and stayed at home with all of us kids for 17 years. The second my dad filed for divorce my mom made a resume and started looking for a job. A job in a field with TECHNOLOGY that is ever changing. A job she hasn’t worked in 17 years. She landed that job and has been helping couples have miracle babies ever since.
Living five hours apart put a huge toll on our relationship. I use to see my mom everyday. We would go shopping, have lunch together, go to the movies or just sit on the couch and talk for hours. I miss that. I am jealous of all the mother/daughter’s out there that can just call each other and meet up within minutes. When I am having a rough day, I’m jealous that I can’t just drive over to my mom’s house and just vent to her. I call her, but it’s not the same. I miss her being my “go-to” person when I want to go out and do something. When I visit her, we spend time together, but it’s not the same. It’s apart of life, we grow up and life changes. I’m still working on being okay with that .
We don’t have a negative relationship, but we have been through some rough patches over the years. I became an insta-mom and I didn’t even have my OWN mom around to help me out. I started calling her for advice and at first she would laugh at me. She would tell me how my brothers and I use to do the same things as toddlers and it’s just a phase. She would tell me how she use to handle it with us and I would try the same technique. And guess what, it worked almost every time.
One of the first things my mom talked to me about when I became a step mom was that I needed to respect my step kid’s mother. My mom has been in Stephanie’s shoes and she was giving me a perspective that I probably would of never had with out her advice. “Stephanie is their mom and Matt is their dad, you need to respect that and remember she might worry that you are trying to take her place. You need to reassure the kids that you are not there to replace their mom and you need to show Stephanie that you truly mean what you say.” So since day one I have vowed to myself to do just that and I think I’ve done a pretty damn good job. I am the munchkin’s “Jess” and if they call me mom, that’s okay now, but when they were younger I wanted them to grow up knowing I respected their mom and I respect my place in our family as Jess.
The kids love my mom. They call her “Mommy Kim”. They were so little when they met her and I honestly never thought about what they would call MY parents. Mommy Kim just stuck, so that is what she is to them. They call my dad “Papa Grande”, and every time I hear them say his name my heart melts. I love seeing my parents as grandparents and I can’t wait to give them a biological grandchild of their own.
Thank you mom for everything you have done for me, thank you for loving me the way you have, and thank you for showing me how to be a mother. You dealt with me as a teenage girl and if you survived that, I know you are strong enough to conquer anything! Thank you for staying strong for us kids when your world fell apart. You never stopped showing up for us, and we love you. We will always love you and be there for you if you need us. We are all just one phone call away and distance will never matter.