H is for Hard

H

Lets start off by saying, I think it is pretty clear that being a step parent is HARD. It is hard work emotionally and physically. For me, the hard parts are mostly all emotional. Figures, right?

I am a childless stepmom. I do not have any biological kids of my own. I do, however, have two amazing step kids. Imagine your life before kids. Imagine how you, as a mother or father, had roughly 9 months to prepare to have children and be responsible for more then just yourself. Now imagine not having that kind of prep and being thrown straight into the beginning of toddlers years and diapers. I had NO idea what I was doing. I had NO clue what I was aloud to do or not do. I had no idea if I was going to fail or if I was going to step on bio mom’s toes. It was hard to know that she hated me. It was hard to deal with her hatred towards me. It was hard accepting that, but still try to form a bond with little people who are HALF of her.

iamstepmom

It’s hard being attached to unfair  stepmom stigmas.

It’s hard to deal with the ignorance of others who are judging me and our lifestyle.

It’s hard having to explain our family life to others who don’t understand. 

It’s hard not seeing the kids everyday.

It’s hard being at the house alone when they aren’t here to fill the walls with their laughter.

It’s hard to be verbally attacked by a woman who helped create the two munchkins I can’t see my life without. I am a human being. I am a person with feelings and emotions. I feel like sometimes people forget that. I am a strong person, but when you try to destroy my character on a day to day basis, when does enough become enough? When will she ever just LET IT GO. All of that is hard to deal with. It’s a hard pill to swallow, and even harder life to live. It’s hard taking that high road. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say “Fuck it. I’m done. She wins.” but I thought of my husband and munchkins. I knew they needed me and I needed them. Through the good times and the bad, right?

Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

  • Rodney Atkins

Life is hard and unfair. I know that. I knew getting into this marriage that this wasn’t going to be easy. It was going to be very hard. I just didn’t know to the extent how HARD this was going to be. I’m not a quitter though. I fought for what I have. I worked hard every day to grow as a woman to become a better person , wife and step mama. I must say, I think I’m turning out pretty damn good. I wouldn’t change any of my mistakes in my past, because those mistakes turned into lessons, and got me to where I am today.

I have a wonderful husband, amazing munchkins, and a crazy ass life. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. No matter how HARD it might be.

shoutout

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17 thoughts on “H is for Hard

  1. This is going to sound like such a cliche but it is true – sadly, bio mum is jealous of you for whatever reason. I know that doesn’t make things any less hard and it’s still frustrating that someone would take a dislike to you for no apparent valid reason. I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s hurtful. On the positive side, seems like you’re doing everything right … Staying positive & strong, and focusing on your family 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Kim! I know it sounds cliche, and I think that’s why I’ve never flat out said she was jealous of me. It’s hard for me to deal with someone hating me when all I am doing is trying to help. It’s hard for me to keep my mouth shut and not just lose it. BUT coming from a family of divorced parents, I know calling her out will do no good. I mean, it will make ME feel better, but everyone else with suffer.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I completely understand. It feels somehow “mean” to say she’s jealous but in reality, I think someone like that is more deserving of pity. You care for her children, put their interests first, encourage & support & love them … The fact that her bitterness won’t let her see that as a good thing is sad.
        I come from a divorced family too and I agree with the way you’re handling things. It unfortunately means however that you are left with little outlet when the frustration and hurt wells up. The only real consolation comes in knowing that you are the better person 🙂 xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • I honestly could not have phrased that any better. Pity is a perfect word to use, and it’s how I think I really look at her. I pity her. And you’re 100% right when you say that I am left with little outlet with the frutration and hurt. My husband can only take so much, I’m thankful for the support system I’ve built here. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, It’s sad that she’s allowing her insecurity to create disharmony for all concerned. She needs to move on and find her own happiness. It’s a good thing that your husband is able to support you & avoid playing the ex’s game too. And having this support system will hopefully give you an opportunity to vent when it gets too much! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Kim above. Maybe her hatred stems from the fact that she’s jealous of you. Afterall you are the one with the man that used to be her husband. You are also a very important person to her children. And her children LOVE you. Like I always say, kudos to you for all the “hard”ships you’ve been through. Because here you are, a strong, positive, devoted, loving mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t help but wonder if she thinks you are judging her. You’re not, I can tell you’re not. But you found a place her ex’s heart that she couldn’t. Like maybe you’re succeeding where she feels she failed. It’s always easier to hate and blame someone else rather than face our own emotions.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am a childless stepmother as well, so much of what you wrote in this post resonated with me. My relationship with my step kids is different than yours. Sadly, sometimes it’s not always in the cards to bond and be close. Anyway, I understand how hard it is, to always be looked at as the intruder, as the outsider. Keep taking the high road! Best wishes to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It must be an awkward situation for everyone. You’re allowed to love another woman’s kid, but she will feel fiercely protective of her relationship with her children. It’s probably exacerbated by the fact you don’t have biological children of your own.
    But, as a mother, i would try and remind myself that the more people who love my children and are there for them the better. They will then be surrounded by guidance and experiences and points of view that although may be different from my own, will help them make better choices in their lives.
    Her hate for you weirdly comes from her love for her kids, but ultimately from her JEALOUSY of you. You not only have her former partner, but get to be a family with her children and him as well. It’s probably nothing personal….she would feel that way no matter who you were.
    So yeah. I can imagine how hard it is. But I think it’s pretty obvious that your affection for the kids is genuine and that you are always keeping their best interest at heart.

    If it’s hard, it must be worth it. X

    Liked by 1 person

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