I Blog for Me

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Let me start off by saying I love blogging. I was skeptical at first, but I have really seen a change in my mood by expressing myself through writing.

There is so much I want to share with all of you, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little worried. I’m worried about my stepkid’s mom finding my blog, and judging me. I’m worried it will cause a problem and everything we have worked so hard to build, will diminish. I don’t talk bad about her and my blog isn’t even geared towards her, but she might find things offensive that I see as harmless.

Now you might be thinking, what are the chances she reads your blog? Like 1 in a million? I thought so too, until I found out she blogs as well. So the chances go from 1 in a million to like 1 in 50. Fabulous right?

I’ve had so much anxiety about this lately. There are events in the kids lives I want to write about but can’t, because what if she puts two and two together. What happens when she reads about other experiences in my life, ones that aren’t so pretty? What if she uses that against me in a fight, or when she’s angry? This is what my daily thought is every time I go to start a post.

First and foremost, I blog for ME. I blog to document my experiences as a stepmom and wife, to look back and reflect on the challenges I was facing at the time and how I overcame them. Then I began blogging because I found a network of other stepmoms. Other amazing, smart, funny, stepmoms who understand what I’m going through. Who give me advice, who share similar experiences, and who make me feel more at ease on how I’m really doing at this whole stepmom gig. Not even just stepmoms, but biological moms too. Moms who don’t judge me because I don’t have children of my own. I feel like I’m starting to build this support system, but how can I truly build one without laying it all out there? See my predicament?

What would you do if you were in this situation? Would you hold back? Tell her you blog too and get it out of the way? Or keep blogging the way I have been, anonymously?

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29 thoughts on “I Blog for Me

  1. I don’t know your history with her. I’m new here so I also don’t know if you’ve talked about her here before. So my opinion is based on a lot of guesswork 😉 First thing I would do is talk to your husband and get his opinion. She is his ex not yours so he may have something to contribute there. If things are healthy and good between all of you, then I would tell her. I’d be upfront and let her know.
    As long as your not posting pictures of her kids or sharing details that could embarrass them or make them identifiable then chances are she wont have an issue with it….especially because she blogs too.
    And in all honesty, if I were her, I’d want to know because they are her kids.

    Sometimes it’s just better to bite the bullet and confront the situation. Take the fear of the unknown away!

    ALL that said, you know her and you know what your blogging about. You have to do what’s right for you and your family.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your response. I love having outside perspecitives on issues I’m torn between.
      Because she blogs too, I know she will be more understanding then I think. She is VERY open on her blog. She shares names, pictures, everything. So worrying about her being upset about that part, I’m not too concerned.
      My husband knows I blog, he also knows she does as well. He has told me before to keep writing, to not change because of how it might effect her.
      His relationship with her is different then my relationship with her. Her and I actually communicate way better. I guess maybe biting the bullet isn’t a bad idea…

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  2. I do understand your predicament. There was a time when I thought the husband was blogging which is sooooo not him and I was actually scared if he’d find mine. Turned out it wasn’t him, thank god. But I still remain fearful because I blog so much about him. I practically shared every bit of info that I keep finding out about his “dark” secret and I know if he finds out he will literally kill me. Without any exaggeration.
    But in your case, if you say you communicate well with her, then maybe just let it be. Keep blogging be it anonymously or not. Whatever makes YOU comfortable. And she will understand if you say she blogs so openly. But in my opinion, and if I were you, I’d rather stay anonymous so I can talk about anything and everything I want…

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  3. In my humble opinion, if you are going to post any scenario that could possibly be traced back to her or the children, I would discuss it with her. If yes, I think it would be wise to tell her of your blog and then be prepared to have her approve anything that compromises the identity of her children. If the information is reletively generic,then there is no need to discuss.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yup – I’m another with a birth mother lurking in the wings (doesn’t blog but reads every word I write). I reached out to her long ago – asked her to link up on Social Media and she ignored every request and then blocked me on FaceBook and writes some pretty out there nastiness. Different story to yours, same complexion in places I imagine. My advice? Go with your gut. My experience – go with your gut. But maybe, since the children are so much younger than my adult stepson if you feel you can tell her, do. If not, if that is your gut. Then take the first amendment – you have as much right as she to free speech. So long as neither of you is affecting the children by exercising that right 🙂

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    • I love this! I’m going with my gut for sure! In my heart and in my head I know what I need to do. I’ve tried reaching out to her before on social media, and she said she wasn’t ready for that yet. So in my eyes, I feel like maybe she isn’t ready to read what I have to say. I guess my gut is already kicking in 🙂 thank you for taking time to read and give me some pretty solid advice!

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  5. I’ve had those same thoughts! I don’t think my Stepdaughter’s mom blogs so that’s good but I fear that she would figure it out. I have even run scenarios in my head about what I would say if she were to bring it up in court lol! (We aren’t even in court for any reason). The point is, I know it’s a scary thing. I know that I have done nothing legally wrong, I don’t mention my name, her name, my fiance’s name or my stepdaughter… heck, I don’t even mention my pets’ names so I know that I’ve done my part at keeping her identity a secret to the world. Now, I’m pretty sure even if her name was in it, I would still be fine (legally). I just view it as exercising my freedom of speech. It really does help sooth some of the feelings We stepmoms have and it’s been a great way to connect with other step parents! I have no idea what she would think if she saw my blog, but I know I’ve done nothing wrong. I think if I were in your situation, I would just not worry about it until you have to. You have the right to say what you want, just like she has the right to say what she wants. Why worry about something that isn’t a problem yet?

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  6. There are approximately 152 million blogs, (that number is from 2013, so give or take a conservative 10 million) and unless she actively goes hunting for you, or you two hang out in the same blogging circles, the odds are pretty slim she will accidentally stumble over your blog.
    Also blogs are covered under the 1st amendment, freedom of speech, freedom of the press. Unless you blatantly slander her, she can’t do anything legally against you. As for your past.. blog or not, your past is still your past and made you who you are today.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I write about my ex, his wife and our kids. I write about my current husband, our current life and my step children. I own everything that I write. I don’t write anything to hurt anyone, I write my truth. If anyone ever saw my blog, I would hope that they would be adult enough to realize that. I wouldn’t mind at all if my kids step mom blogged about them. What it is like to be a step mom or anything else. That is her truth. Keep writing and stop worrying!

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  8. Girl….all I can say is I TOTALLY understand. For me, I also worry about the kids reading it one day too! Like you said, nothing I write is bad about them, but let’s face it, there ARE struggles when you are in a blended family!! You have days where you don’t see eye to eye , you are frustrated, have different parenting styles, don’t know where you fit in, and the list goes on. You want to share because you feel like you might be able to help someone else, but you also don’t want to make your situation worse! In my situation, the stress even extends into the extended family and it just get’s SO MESSY sometimes and having an outlet is my only saving grace.

    I don’t know, if you find the best way around this, you let me know!! Step-parents are simply amazing and I don’t just say that because I am one! It takes a very unselfish person to take on this role!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Blogging is totally my outlet too. I absolutley love being able to write about being a step mom. I WISH I could post pictures of them or me for that matter, but I’m a worry wart. Maybe one day I will, who knows. But if I find a way around it, I will definitely let you know 😉 I just love the support of step parents on here, it really does help!

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  9. I have just started my blog and it has give me some ease that I am not alone with these issues it is a challenge but one we have to step up to and if blogging helps us then so be it. You do it for you and you alone don’t feel you have to explain yourself. Lovely reading thank you.

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