Disappointed

When I wrote about my ex best friend, I also mentioned another friend, who I HAD missed and was in the process of trying to rekindle our friendship, I will call her M.

After the whole message from ex best friend, I forwarded the message to M. Told her I was in shock, didn’t know how to respond, and she was the first person I wanted to talk to about it. M gave me some good advice and then asked if hubby and I wanted to come over for dinner one night. I asked hubby what he thought and he said we should do it. So we planned a dinner at their house for March 5th.

All week I have been having the worst anxiety. Wednesday at work I almost had a full blown out panic attack and I had no clue why. I didn’t have any reasons to be anxious I thought. Then hubby brought up Saturday. “Are you really that nervous to go to M and B’s house?” The more I thought about it, he was right. I was really nervous! I haven’t met her son yet, and she’s pregnant again. It’s a totally different side of her I haven’t experienced yet. What if we just don’t get along anymore? Cue more anxiety.

Friday, M asked if filets sounded good for dinner. Um, absolutley! She asked for us to bring a side dish and to come over around 5 on Saturday.

Okay I thought, side dish. What does she like?….wait a minute, she was my best friend for 12 years, how do I not know what she likes to eat? Well, she’s pregnant she might not like certain things. What can’t pregnant women eat again? Because I saw this delicious recipe with goat cheese…wait, I don’t think she can have goat cheese…..can she? Screw it, I’ll just make my mom’s homemade mashed potatoes, everyone loves those.

That was my brain for 24 hours. Ugh. Constant worry.

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Saturday morning rolls around and I’m up making lists of all the things we needed to do before heading out to M’s. Then I remembered the sweatshirt I bought for Little Man when I had visited M at college, I told M when she had a baby one day I would pass the sweatshirt on to them so they could proudly wear their mama’s alma mater. And just my luck, I couldn’t find the sweatshirt if my life depended on it. I tore the entire house apart and couldn’t find it. A hour goes by and I finally find it hanging in the back of Little Miss’s closet. Ofcourse it is. I set it all aside and start to get ready. I stand infront of my closet, for what seemed like hours, and picked out a reasonable outfit. I grabbed my phone and there was a text from M.

Hi pretty girl… I’m sick to my stomach today 😦 I don’t know if it was food yesterday, the baby or a bug. I was trying to wait it out and hopefully feel better throughout the day, but it’s not getting better. I feel horrible because I’ve been looking forward to this, but I don’t want to be cranky/ preoccupied when we finally hang out again!
Do you have plans with the kids tomorrow? If I’m feeling better we had planned to take L to an indoor playplace and there is one nearby. Is that something they’d enjoy?

My heart sank into my stomach and I handed the phone to my hubby, who was shaving, and sat on our bed and sobbed. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry. I was SO excited and I actually let myself GET excited, but was let down. I know it’s not like she cancelled because she didn’t want to see me, she was just sick.

I know she asked about Sunday with all the kids, but it was last minute and I didn’t want to be rude and ask the munchkin’s mom for them a lot earlier. I’m sure if they weren’t doing anything she would for sure say yes, but I didn’t want to make her feel pressured so I just told M the time she wanted to go Sunday wouldn’t work. She promised me we would hang out soon, I told her I hope everything was alright with her and the baby and to feel better.

I was heartbroken. I hung up the outfit I picked out, and put away the toddler sized sweatshirt I set out to bring. Tears streaming down my face and I was just filled with disappointment. That’s when hubby sprung into gear, told me we were going to go do some spontaneous things instead today! He drove me all around the city, stopping at the most random places, and we had a blast! We went out to dinner, had the best bbq and drinks, then went home and watched some Oscar nominated movies.

It wasn’t the day I had imagined it would be, but it ended up being a great date night with my incredible husband. He truly spun the day around for me. I can add that to the list of reasons why I love him ❤

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26 thoughts on “Disappointed

  1. That quote about just breathing leapt off the page at me today. It’s so hard to just relax and go with things…too many “what-ifs.” You’re right, though, that we can’t control things so we may as well not worry about them. Thanks for that reminder!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Somedays you just have to create your own sunshine” – I love that. What a great attitude. And how awesome is your husband for turning the evening into something so positive & memorable 🙂

    Like

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