Happiness Over Anger 

I wrote this when I first started blogging. I read it again today and felt like resharing!

Sometimes anger can take over the happiness in my life. When it does, it makes me even more angry because I let something bother me that much. Being angry is so tiring. Getting worked up over things out of my control is exhausting. I’ve caught myself a few times this week saying “Let it go!” Which I must say, is extremely hard for me to do. It’s hard for me to back down, but I’ve come to realize letting something go doesn’t make me weak and it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It’s about picking your battles, and choosing what will fuel my happiness, not my anger.

Over the past year I have been working on finding what fuels my anger, and how can I change the way I think and react to it. I’m a happy wife who is head over heels in love (I wasn’t really a sappy romantic but now I am) and I have the best step kids a step mom could ask for. My relationship with hubby’s ex isn’t bad, but I wish it was better. We have come a long way and I’m so happy we got to the place we are at today. 

Talking about her is hard for me. I have always done my best not to speak ill of her to other people (never in front of the kids, such a huge no-no in my book) I think it’s because my parents raised me to treat others how I wanted to be treated, and I truly wouldn’t want to hear her speaking ill of me. Of course there have been times she got under my skin, but I’m sure I have too. That’s where my stress/anger comes in because I don’t want to argue with her, not because she scares me, but because I can’t mentally stand verbal fights or battles with her. Thank God we haven’t had any major issues lately, and I feel it might be because I’m starting to “Let it go!” Or maybe she is finding her peace. Whatever it is, I’m liking it!

We have always had an open communication about the kids. If one of them is acting up we usually always let the other one know about what’s been going on. We always respect the other houses consequences and will carry them over to our house if needed. Communicating like that is so beneficial, you have no idea. It’s not only the best option in this kind of lifestyle, but it really does save your sanity. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a melt down and texted their mom and asked if this goes on at there house too, 9 out of 10 times it does, and I can reassure myself I’m not going crazy after all! 

I respect my hubby’s ex. She gave birth to two amazing children who have completely changed my life for the better. I am thankful for her trust in me to help raise our kids. I’ve read so many step mom blogs and about 75% of them don’t have a positive relationship with their bio mom. I’m so thankful we aren’t in those dark places. I mean we aren’t rainbows and unicorns over here, but hey, there is always room for improvement right? Things could get better. 

Everyday comes with new struggles which turn into new life lessons. What I learn from them and how I react means everything. Sometimes the answer is to just “Let it go”.



4 thoughts on “Happiness Over Anger 

  1. So happy I found your blog. I have had so many questions for so long from people that have lived this life as a step mom, and as a person that wants kids of their own. I wish I could have the relationship you have with the Ex-wife. I’m 27, she’s 38 with 3 kids. I think she hates me because DH was her backup boy for years following the divorce and I’ve taken that from her. Were you and the ex always on good terms?
    I’m all IVF-ed out (lol) but still pray every night that she finds happiness. Whether it is by finally marrying her boyfriend of 3 years or not, I have realized that her happiness will result in ours as she will stop making the simplest things difficult just to prove her power.
    So happy to hear that you and DH are also trying for a baby 🙂 . Do you or DH worry she may retaliate? Please share your secrets!
    I wish she could just move on with her life and let her children’s father be a thing of the past. They had a good relationship until I entered the picture (dinners with her, her guy and the kids!) and since then it’s been a battle for custody (which we gave up on since the eldest son said he wants to stay in CO) and her need for child support (to keep up on her home improvements 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is very rare to find a childless stepmom. I think it’s because it takes a truly strong person to carry that title. The ex and I were not always on good terms. It took a lot of communicating and moving on to help. When she met her now husband, it totally changed our life. She had a baby right after she got married so I’m pretty confident she won’t have a problem when I get pregnant. To be honest, she probably thinks we will never have kids because my hubby had a vasectomy, but I know she wouldn’t make it an issue with the kids. Her son with her husband now is apart of the whole family. He is the cutest little guy and I honestly have a soft spot in my heart for him. I’ve actually babysat him a few times. My mom is a microbiologist in IVF, I am very aware of everything you must be going through and I give you huge kudos. You are one strong mama. Sounds like your DH’s ex is a little jealous. Focus on doing what is best for YOUR family. What’s that saying?…you can’t fix crazy 😉


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