My Ex Best Friend

This is a very hard for me to write about. I think it’s because I’m about to get pretty down and dirty about something personal in my life. I know I share my family life with you all, but my friend life is a different story. I’m very sensitive about this subject…

Four years ago I lost my two best friends. One I had been friends with for 12 years and another I had been friends with for 5 years. They didn’t physically die, but to me, in my heart, they did. They believed something about me that wasn’t true, they said I was being unfaithful to my hubby, and I wasn’t. Not only did they believe that, they sat him down behind my back and told him what they heard.

He was very upset, and had every right to be. If I was in his shoes, I would be beside myself. I understood where he was coming from, but he told me he believed ME. He knew it wasn’t true, and none of the stories added up. He was very angry with them both. Not for what they were doing to our marriage, but for what they did to mine and their friendship. I’m a very good friend, the type you can call in the middle of the night and I will always answer. I was beyond hurt, and I cut them out of my life. In my eyes, they were toxic.

This was a year before Hubby and I were to be married. I lost my maid of honor and a bridesmaid. I was a complete mess. I slipped into a deep depression and I think I lost about 20 pounds. I lost my sparkle, and everyone was noticing.

I planned my bridal shower and wedding without my two best friends. Clearly, I didn’t have a bachlorette party because partying isn’t anything I wanted to do at the time. I was preparing for the happiest day of my life, and I was miserable because the two people I couldn’t imagine not being apart of my life, weren’t going to be there. It was a total heartbreak.

For years I couldn’t understand why. Why would they do that to me? How could someone who has known me for over 10 years believe something so not like me, especially with the man who changed me into a better woman. Why would they hurt me? Why would they do this before my wedding? I had to let it go. I had to let go of the anger and hurt. I didn’t do anything wrong, they did. Yes, I was in a lot of pain from losing them, but in the end, I’m happy I knew that now instead of later.

A few months ago at the Kenny Chesney concert, (I use to go every year with my friend I had known for 12 years) that friend texted me and asked if I was there. I said yes and she asked to meet up. Her Hubby and my hubby are friends, so they obviously wanted to see each other. When I saw her, my heart sunk into my stomach. I missed her. She had a baby in the midst of us not talking and I missed out on that. We both hugged each other and cried. She apologized for her part in everything, and told me she was wrong. She didn’t realize at the time what she said could have done to my marriage. I was hesitant at first, but this was the friend I missed after all the years. I missed her friendship and I was ready to mend it.

Last night I received a Facebook message from the other friend. The ring leader of the whole issue…this is her letter.

Hi (Insert My Name),

I know this is way past due but I just wanted to say that I am really sorry for the way things ended between us. I realize now that what I did & said was wrong on so many levels. I regret not only bringing certain people into that situation but also for allowing them to influence the way I thought, reacted & handled it.

There are so many things I’ve wanted to say to you throughout the years…I just never knew how.
I know I did but I truly never meant to hurt you (insert my name). You are a great person & one of the very best friends I’ve ever had. I am so sorry for treating you the way I did.

I don’t expect anything to come of this message & understand that you’ll probably hate me forever for what I did… I just thought you deserved an apology after all this time.
I hope you, (hubby’s name) & the kids are doing great & wish nothing but the best for you all.

💗 ex best friend

Wow. Wow is all I had to think. It took her four years. FOUR YEARS to apologize! But my question was why. Why apologize now? Why do this now? What is your angle? My walls are up and I’m on the defense.

I didn’t want to respond at first. I wasn’t going to, but then I did. I let her know I was angry and hurt for a long time, but I let that go. I wasn’t going to let that pain control my life anymore. I didn’t think about her. I didn’t miss our friendship. I didn’t miss her.

Was that mean? I’m sure it was. Did I mean it? Abso fucking lutley.

After getting that message, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t crazy after all. I didn’t do anything to deserve how they treated me. I am a good person. I have always been a good person, and the friends I have now, I cherrish and love.

I guess this was my closure with her. This was my moment to tell her how I really felt, and she heard me. Rumor around the grapevine is that friend has Lyme Disease, maybe she did this for HER conscious, maybe she actually meant it, who knows. All I know is I found my life is better without the toxic people in it, and I’m thankful for the positive friendships I do have.

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17 thoughts on “My Ex Best Friend

  1. It must have been such a difficult time to live through. I recently made a friend, who I loved a lot, but I felt so drained and cramped in living my life as “me”. So I plucked up the courage and said ‘no, I cant do this’. I felt bad, so bad, caz I really did like him, but what’s the use of living if you cannot be yourself. It took me months to get back on track, but I feel great now. I feel me.
    You sure did the right thing in not bringing them back into your life. There are some people whose negativity you just cannot have in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just went through the same thing myself with my bff since age 11. Like Friend 1, I missed the friendship and after she reached out to me on my bday we are slowly mending things. Forgiveness is a gift but it is also one of the most challenging things we face daily. You made the right decision to stand by your marriage, however I am very happy for you and your friend that you two could find a way to move beyond that moment in time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is very painful when the people you trusted most stab you in the back. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been there too. And I believe as we grow older and wiser, we learn that we don’t need such toxic people in our lives. We are worth more than that. Much much more…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a very honest post. I have had some shares of this experience… it hurts to lose people who matter… you’re lucky you got the apology though — whichever angle she is coming from, the fact that she acknowledged her mistake is a relief, vindication served to those who believed them (in case some did). And I totally support you from cutting toxic people out of your life…we don’t need these kinds of people. But just in case the ring leader’s in fact changed — good for her current circle of friends, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh geeze. How horrible. It made me so sad to read that you had to go through that, but I’m glad you are finding closure. We DO have the right to cut toxic people out of our lives. It’s no longer about “courtesy” when they breach their social contract to be a decent human being to you. Again, how awful. But thank you for being so open and sharing your experience 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have lost a really good friend and some family members because of choices they made in life. Being a mom, it’s was a very hard to make such a big decision. I had to think of how the things they chose to do would affect my children. So I became the bad guy and so forth. I can not fully tell you I know that feeling. I can say it is very hard to lose some one you love dearly. Sometimes being the stronger person is the best way to go. I hope it all works out for you. Continue to keep your head up, and be strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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