4 + 1 = 5

Adding on to our family of 4 has always been a goal for us. We have always wanted to have a baby of our own. One that looked like both of us πŸ™‚

We have waited this long for many reasons, one of them being the kids were going through a lot of transitions at their mom’s house so we thought adding another huge transition wouldn’t be helpful to them. No big deal. We get to focus on them and adjust to this new blended lifestyle.

Now the time has come. Woo hoo! So we thought we would talk to the kids about it. Now they have a half brother already so our initial thought was they are going to be super excited. Well, that was 50% true. Little man was THRILLED! He had a huge smile, gave me a big hug and promised he would be the best big brother. Little miss didn’t have the same reaction. She’s the baby in our family, and she plays the roll very well sometimes. She’s got her daddy wrapped around her glittery little finger. (It’s adorable, and I fully support it. I might have even given her tips.)

So little miss got this sad look on her face and I asked her how she felt about having a baby brother or sister, tears fell down her cheeks and she said “but you won’t pay attention to me anymore, that’s what happened when mommy had [insert half brother’s name]!” Now I know that’s not true. I told her of course mommy gave baby brother a lot of attention, he is a BABY. Babies need lots of love and attention, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love you the same or we don’t care.

It broke my heart to hear her say that. I know their mother gives them attention, maybe not as much because hey there is a new baby involved here, but how do you explain that to a 6 year old?

It took her a few days but she came around to understanding. She knows she can come to us with any questions. I also told her I was going to need her help, because I mean she’s the pro right? She helped her mommy with baby brother so I’m going to need all the help she can give me.

I’m trying not to feed into little miss’s anger with not getting enough attention, deep down I know she’s just worried about her place, but she will see that her place will always be the same and I know little man will do an amazing job to reassure her of that!

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9 thoughts on “4 + 1 = 5

  1. It’s not just a six year old thing. My stepson is twelve, and has made comments that he doesn’t want my husband and I to have kids because we would love the new baby more. I tried to explain that we are all always going to be a family, he’s always going to be a part of it, and we will love them all the same. Babies just have different needs than he does, because he’s older and can get himself dressed and make himself food and take care of himself, when a baby can’t do anything for their own. I think it’s a completely understandable feeling for little ones, especially who have gone through lots of transitions. It’ll just be another one, and more positive one!, to take a day at a time with lots of open communication, love, and support.

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  2. When my youngest sister was born I was livid with anger. I was the youngest for 6 years. I had ALL the attention from everyone. And then comes this baby who just destroyed everything lol. Poor sis of mine. It was a good thing that my parents caught on that, and so my mom was left tending my little sister while my dad continued treating me like his one and only princess πŸ™‚ fast forward 35 years, my sister and I have a very strong bond.
    I think it’s all about balancing. Especially when there’s been a lot of changes involved already…

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  3. I love this perspective. My oldest was 4 when I was pregnant with his half brother (I hate using the term step-son, he’s my first born!). While I don’t know how much he conceptualized it at the time, there was definitely some blow black as the youngest was coming up. We are still struggling to make sure that in our home he understands he is an equal. His mom hasn’t had anymore children, and won’t. As we prepare for the possibility of another one, I now have to prepare the oldest to do it again, and don’t even know what to do about the 2 year old. He could be 4 by the time it happens! I love this post, it makes me feel so much more confident for when the time does come!

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    • I hate the terms too! It’s just hard to explain to other people who don’t understand. We don’t know when we will get pregnant either but we are going to actively try after the 72 days are up πŸ™‚ I’m nervous and excited but overall I just hope the munchkins make a positive adjustment and are still their happy selves!

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  4. It is so sweet to see the type of connection you have with the kids, as well as your concern of how well they will adapt once a new baby joins the fam. I think the fact you have been in their lives from such a young age will definitely ease/soften the impact the new baby will have on them once he/she does arrive. I’ve had this issue with DH’s 14 year old son. Their sister is having a baby and I think this has helped to improve their perspective on “change”. Children have a very weak concept of time (subjective v. objective) which creates a fear based on absolute uncertainty as opposed to anything truly emotional (like grown ups). Time is= school vacation, time for dinner, time it takes to pop popcorn etc lol. Unless its in front of them, they really won’t know their true feelings until that day of being an older sibling comes. Your positivity is encouraging and I think you’ll do an awesome job at making everyone feel connected πŸ™‚

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    • Thank you! I love them oh so much and they know that which makes my heart feel even bigger. I do think being in their lives at such a young age played a huge part in their acceptance and love towards me. They truly have changed my life πŸ™‚ I had a lot of walls up and I had a hard time letting people in my life. They make those walls look like butter now πŸ˜‰

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